Apocalypse Porn Bunker

— Cosmo Vitelli

Porn studio Pink Visual Building Massive Underground Bunker to Ride Out the 2012 Apocalypse

From the Pink Visual Blog:

We’re building an enormous underground bunker in preparation for the Apocalypse that various prognosticators and ancient calendar interpreters have predicted will take place in December of 2012.

To answer the two main questions that are likely burning in your mind right about now (based on the responses we’ve received from media outlets to our press release this morning):

- Yes, we’re serious about this.

- No, I mean it: we really are building a great big underground bunker.

Why are we doing this, you ask?

Look at this way; if the Apocalypse doesn’t happen in 2012, we will still have the coolest bunker on the planet, and we can use it as a location to shoot content in, rent it out to other studios - maybe even major Hollywood studios – to use, or maybe even open a big underground strip club (although getting the requisite permits to do might be an issue with respect to that idea, admittedly).

On the other hand, if the Apocalypse does happen, we’re in good shape, while all the people currently saying we’re nuts for building this bunker will be the ones who find themselves screwed.

We’ll be releasing floor plans and sketches of the bunker’s interior soon. For now, a few more details about what you can expect to find in the bunker, once we’ve completed construction:

* Multiple bars, fully-stocked with premium liquors.

* A sophisticated content production studio

* An operational microbrewery

* Topless dance stages complete with load-bearing stripper poles (economical use of the available space is an important consideration here)

We’ll be issuing regular updates to our plan for the bunker in the weeks ahead, including the details pertaining to our selection criteria for bunker inhabitants other than Pink Visual employees, staff, owners, performing talent and family members thereof. We’re still vigorously debating that selection criteria here at Pink Visual, but this much I can say with confidence: being a customer of ours certainly won’t hurt your chances.

No word on a distribution network for all that sexy post-apocalyptic porn though.

via Pink Visual



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