Desirium; English
Anna Dubosc
Translation by Alexandra Birchall-White
Fred was crazy about these parties. You’d bump into him, and he'd talk about all these girls he was fucking, that would wiggle so nicely as they sucked you, lapped your balls, twirled around squirming and gave you their ass, purring. What an idiot. He may be the king of gangbangs; but as far as I was concerned, he was just a loser hanging out in bars, harassing sweet chicks; he’d spend his Sundays watching porn.
The word in town was that Fred had been part of the latest orgy. Fred was ecstatic: “You’ll all end up going! You’ll see… even you Anna.” It was a Saturday evening. I recall the frozen rain and the sound of my heels on the sidewalk. My boyfriend, Jean, had been waiting for me at the Holiday Inn, Place de la République. Like a Greco painting, long-faced, he looked like a Spanish dignitary. Smiling at me, his eyes showed a hint of nervousness, and with that, I fell for him…We got into the elevator without uttering a word and walked through the corridor, I was starring at the carpet, the yellow of the wallpaper, the fire escapes...
“What are we doing here? Come on, let’s go,” Jean firmly pressed my arm.
I hid behind him as he knocked on the door. A girl appeared. Her black hair fell over the straps of her bra. A feeling of uneasiness washed over me. It was the world upside down; I felt more naked than the nudity on display. The girl glanced at us, and then slipped away. Jean closed the door behind us, and we settled at the far end of a couch. Minding my own business, smoking my cigarettes, no one seemed to notice us… people were chatting, kissing, dancing… OK, so what? I was about to poor myself a drink when my pulse livened… from the other room came a rattle.
In the other room a girl was getting off. She didn't have a face, only a voice, a voice of desire creeping into my stomach. I didn’t dare to look at Jean because I was sure he had a hard-on. Knock knock. Jesus Christ! In came Delphine and Mathias. It was embarrassing to find ourselves together there, we were all part of it now, and inevitably it drew us closer. Though they had a leg up; they were already drunk. Delphine kissed me and passed over a joint, while Mathias began fiddling with my man’s balls. Poor Jean, as hard as he tried to put on airs, he controlled fuck-all. A wave of disgust invaded me, though it was strangely exciting. Taking two or three drags of the joint, I started to drift away. Delphine and her boyfriend collapsed between Jean and me.
I turned around and looked into the darkness. A guy was fondling the tits of a chubby girl. Tipping her over the armchair, he shoved his snout between her legs. I was transposed: tongues titillated her core, fingers swarmed her body. On edge, I stood up and left for another room.
On the big bed, silhouettes writhed like a nest of maggots. Now accustomed to the darkness, I caught sight of Fred swaying his hips between a pair of thighs. Around the bed guys were rubbing themselves, watching, while those farther away stretched their necks to wank on tiptoes.
Two girls charged naked from the bathroom. The one had such a dense ginger fleece that it seemed to float in the air. The other was waxed, her piercing bared like a second clit. The pair stretched, embraced, and licked each other, the redhead started working her companion with a dildo. Alone, in the dark, I was getting wet… the bloke was still kneading red’s tits from behind. She looked down to her pink and pointed nipples between hairy fingers. Who cared whom those fingers belonged to; in here, sex was an exquisite corpse. Each of us could fabricate our own orgasm, gleaned from here and there.
A hand brushed the nape of my neck. I turned around: Jean. His eyes sparkled. He dragged me to the rear of the room and kissed me. From over his shoulder I could see a blonde girl, milky skin, bobbing up and down. She was riding a guy, her baby-doll rolled up to her pelvis. My skin bristled. I lured Jean towards the mattress. He leaned over me, exploring the folds of my cunt with his fingers, playing with his cock at the entrance of my cunt. I couldn’t handle it anymore; I grabbed his cock and pulled it into me as I glanced at the blonde. As if telepathically, she turned up, grabbed Jean's butt and slid her index into his ass, reaching into the contractions of his coitus. Jean suppressed his cry, and in contorted silence, collapsed on his side, abandoning me to our blonde friend.
She licked the juice from my thighs, drank from my gooey hole while I grabbed onto her hair. Other cunts, other cocks crowded together. I could hear moaning and meowing from every direction. Everything became hazy, I gasped for breath, and suddenly nothing. Only an immense void. I straightened up in a leap and headed towards the bathroom. A guy was jacking off over the bidet. His glans was purple, swollen from excess. Dropping his worn-out tool, he saluted me with a dumb and sheepish look. Just then, Fred barged in: “Well ,well, well…,” he shook his dick, limp, as he approached. I pushed him away and left. Outside, Jean was kissing the little blonde. That kiss was out of place: too languid, too intimate. I felt an acute pain, and at the same time, a rapturous desire to fuck. When everything is dead, coming is all that’s left. I threw myself into the melee.
Not long after that night, I left Jean and moved into some shit-hole infested with roaches. The ground seemed to move, it was so swarmed with them. I spent my days killing them, and at nights I would turn into a louse.
One night I found myself in a loft. I’d had too much to drink, wobbling until I crashed on the sofa. When I came out of my stupor, the party was already over. The host and a couple were chatting on the bed. I was about to leave, when he joined me. He was tall and kind of cute. He rested my legs over his knees and massaged my feet. A warmth spread to my stomach. He introduced himself while rubbing my calves. His name was Jeremy. “I’m Anna...” His hands were now wandering under my skirt, but I carried on talking as though nothing was happening.
I took off my tights and sat back. He stroked the inside of my thighs, slipped his fingers under my panties, grabbed my bush, and suddenly leaned over to nibble my neck, my ears. I shivered. Grabbing his face, I kissed him.
He guided me towards the bed. As the other couple shifted, we huddled like a litter of kittens. I could hear the girl breathe; I could smell her breath, her plump, lukewarm body against my back. She was waiting for me... my heart started to beat faster… I turned around, groping for her mouth. Jeremy stood up to kiss her. I was collecting, plucking their kisses…and they dived under the duvet, leaving me face to face with the guy remaining.
He smiled at me and stroked my hair, while someone else was lingering between my thighs. I couldn’t tell whether it was the girl or Jeremy. I didn’t care. Even a dog would have done the trick… it was so good, it was nearly sickening. I wanted more and more… Jeremy resurfaced. Overexcited, as if in a trance, I impaled myself onto him, coming instantly.
I fell into a light sleep, and when I woke up, in a daze I staggered to the bathroom. The couple were smoking, marinating head to toe in the bath. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, played absently with the boy’s dozing cock, and directed it between the legs of his girlfriend. She reared up and bounced out of the water, crouched, and pissed his orgasm onto the bathroom floor. I returned to the room where the other boy was sleeping, got dressed, grabbed my bag and put my shoes on on the landing. It was wintertime and still dark. Walking home in the cold, I felt empty and a little lonely.
Oscar was thirty-eight; I was twenty-seven. He was hyperactive, power hungry and always surrounded by chicks. For a hysteric, like myself, he was the man to beat. How though? On his own territory; sex; a dangerous territory, his weak point, his Achilles’ heel? As soon as he let work go, his balls would take over. He’d loose all common sense, his virility drawn back into childhood. This was when I planned to trap him, so one night I escorted him to Chandelles…
We rode his motorcycle, parking it in a little square at the entrance of a narrow street. The club was sandwiched between two buildings; it reeked of disinfectant… We rang the door bell, Dring, low key, sweet face…hallelujah! The bouncer lets us in through the airlock, video surveillance and two-way mirrors. Another couple was waiting. The woman was wearing a mink coat and stockings. Already Oscar was wriggling, checking out the breasts blooming out from her fur. He couldn’t help himself. It was mechanical, animalistic. Like the rest of his mistresses, I was hoping I’d be the one put his cock on a leash. What was I thinking. His libido was limitless, all-consuming… the madam invited us in. Oscar bowed low to kiss her hand before dragging me to the cloakroom. The attendant wrote our names on a card, which he handed to us: a drinks tab to be settled at the end of the night to keep things simple.
Down the narrow stone staircase, the walls were wet and humid. One could imagine the smell of pussy. In the corridors that separated the back rooms from the dance floor, garlands and a disco ball hung above a table covered in candy. With a hand full of licorice, I wandered off to down a glass of champagne at the bar. It could’ve been a dead-end disco in the middle of nowhere. A herd of shadows were checking out two sluts playing dikes on the dance floor… Oscar joined me at the counter. He ordered a glass, and toasted: “To love!” And we lost ourselves next door.
Couples were lurking in the darkness; moans and snarls mixed with whispers. We planted ourselves in the middle of the group for a game of blind man’s bluff: cold, cold… warm… keep going, you’re heating up… burning… bingo! A pair of fake breasts. A real lémure. Oscar could grind her tits, she didn’t give a fuck. Her husband was getting best out of this deal! He pulled out his dick, devouring me with his eyes. Here we go – a little hand job doesn’t hurt. Suddenly, Oscar showed up, sticking his cock in my left hand. I was wanking them both simultaneously while they leered… “Ooh, that feels good, baby.” His cum landed on my dress. Shit… the other cock was rushing to slip on a condom before Oscar could pack up.
“You’re not going to get fucked are you my Darling?” “I thought that’s why we were here?” “Whatever, come over here!”
He dragged me to the dance floor… A line under the turntables and I’ll turn this place upside down: Now lets move it, come on kids! Windowss shopping! We’re off for fifteen minutes of Madness! Go, don’t ask yourself too many questions…
People shuffle and push, a girl flies across the room and lands on my feet. Don’t worry... don't apologize. Back at the anthill, Oscar inspects the scenery. “This way my little thing. Check out this babe,” and bam!! A tentacle. “Ouch, you underestimated that dog. It’s going to get dirty for you, my love.” The guard dog sits up, shows his fangs. Woof woof !! Hands off my Poodle !! Woof woof !! Having said that maybe we can come to a deal…he sniffs my ass, woof woof, what's this little Chihuahua, are you taking the piss or woof !! Go on, get lost!! Floppy toffee: we scampered off.
A change of tactic: I’m Oscar's shield. He sizes up a hot bitch and pushes me against her. She reads me instantly and I get a mouth full. Ass in the air, her lover eats her out, while Oscar crawls on his knees like a martyr and jerks off into my ear… “Hi guys, am I bothering you, everything’s fine guys… I’m not bothering you am I?” Ah at last! Everyone gets off, and Ciao! I won’t even mention Bibou’s face… on the verge of reaching mount Fuji, he collapses Thank god I’m here. He sticks his flagpole in my mouth and fires off the puree. I wait for a while on the bidet while he takes a shower… god he’s taking a long time. I’ll go for a walk.
“Be good, my love, and no tricks!” “No worries!”
An old perv is fondling a girl’s ass in hot pants. A little blow job and that’s over; he flips her like a crepe, and it’s all in her ass… god she’s hot, unbelievable… but his old cock isn’t in great shape. He is prostrate, motionless, sadness frozen on his face, while his girl is trying as hard as she can to get him up. She teases, kisses and rubs… the belly dance… the latex hood… nothing. It’s dead. I can’t watch this, I’m leaving…
“Are you on your own?” “No, well...” “Can I get you a drink?” “Fine.”
We chat at the counter. I’m going to fuck him; it’ll turn Oscar on. I interrupt him in the middle of his sentence and grab his package; the guy gets it. I lift up my skirt, a condom, and off we go! “What the hell is this, sissy?” Come on, wake-up, lets get a hard-on here… Ah! At last he gets it. “That’s a good boy. Now relax, make yourself at home…” Oscar turns up, our eyes meet, he’s bewildered. It breaks my heart, but god only knows why, it turns me on… and the rest I can’t remember. I’m totally drunk, I’m being fucked like a blow-up doll, and Oscar… where is Oscar? I push the guy off; I look around and walk up to the cloakroom.
There he is looking devastated. Moving closer, I wrap myself around him. He looks down and bursts into tears. I had won: I was lost…